DIVORCED: NOW WHAT (?)
If you have not yet read my article, AVOIDING DIVORCE, please do so. For many years now divorce in America has been a major business. The price paid for destroyed marriages is awesome to consider. The impact on child...ren, on schools, on tax dollars spent on social services, the psychological scars, and the trauma often seen in the man and woman divorced is far reaching in its consequences.
We live in an age of divorce and broken homes. The divorce rate started its steady increases after WW2. Soon States passed laws that allowed what is called, "No Fault Divorce". I have seen ads by attorney's advertising for business and offering $49 divorce packages for no contest divorces.
This is not an article on the exegesis of the Biblical texts regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. This is rather a simple statement regarding the souls of men and women who have divorced and what they now must do. Of course, I believe what I am setting forth here is well grounded in the Biblical evidences.
Of course in this article I am sure I will say some things that some will not like or agree with. Some believe that all who have divorced are bound for hell fire and that there is nothing more that can be done. Others feel the divorced must wear a scarlet letter and be cursed for life with various penalties. I find such interpretations of the Bible to be absolutely sickening. When God forgives, He forgives! "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." (Heb. 8:12). I have read and heard all kinds of theology relative to marriage, divorce and remarriage from some of the smartest men in our brotherhood. Among our brightest men today we have a wide range of differing views and interpretations. It is a subject filled with deep emotion and clouded by deep prejudices on the part of all. If you approach this subject with your mind already made up, then you will see the Scriptures in such a way that supports your preconceived conclusions, whether the Scriptures teach such or not. Enough said.
What is to happen to the divorced? Your divorced and so what shall you now do? Though I have never been divorced, I have had family that divorced and I have seen the price paid, and the sorrows and challenges of countless souls over the years. In my office I have cried with dear ones over their broken marriage. Here are my perspectives.
First, pause and breathe and face this fact. You are loved by God and there is nothing you can do in this life that will separate you from that wondrous love (Rom. 8:36-39). Pause and reflect on the love of God for you as an individual.
Second, realize in the breaking of your marital vow and the dissolution of your marriage by divorce that sin is a reality. I do not say this to judge you or condemn you in any particular way but to just state the fact. God desires for people to marry and remain married until death separates them (Rom. 7:2). However, I would also point out that there are all kinds of sins and we have all sinned before God in many ways (Rom. 3:23). Of course all should agree that in some cases divorce is essential for the protection of life; whether physical, spiritual or psychological. Some must divorce and they have every right to do so. Sin is there as well. I repeat, sin is always to be found to some level in every divorce. It is only by the grace of the Almighty that any of us can be saved (Eph. 2:8-10). I do not want you to stay there in the depths of sin and despair and to think there is no hope whatsoever. Jesus came to give us all the abundant life (John 10:10). Thus in your sin and in the sins that we all face we must repent. That involves confessing our sins and failures and seeking forgiveness from God and those that we have hurt (James 5:16). God is forgiving.
Third, I would urge you to seek out good counseling and tell your story. You should strive to learn about your failed marriage and what went wrong. Try to face the reality of what led to the divorce and what you can now learn from such. We all should strive to learn from our mistakes and accept our responsibility and move forward to build a better life. Wisdom is with those who receive counseling (Prov. 13:10).
Fourth, I would urge time for reflection and renewal. You must seek to reset your life from the wounds you have received and or given. You need time for prayer and fasting. You might join a support group where you can talk out your pain and hear the stories of others and how they have coped (Gal. 6:2).
Fifth, in time you might seek to remarry. Do so only with the wisdom you have learned from your time in healing and reflection. Be faithful as a Christian and seek the companionship of a faithful Christian. Find a great church family that will give you love, grace and support. I would suggest additional counseling in the first year of your new marriage. Follow the suggestions I gave in my article on AVOIDING DIVORCE. Pray daily.
Sixth, use the wisdom you have gained to help others in their problem marriage and possible divorce. You can be a great servant in helping others learn from the trials you have faced in your life. By helping others you will not only be helping them but yourself.
Finally, I would suggest for all the church, that we should consider the woman at the well who had married and divorced five times, and was at the time Jesus spoke to her living with a man and not married to him. It is amazing how Jesus touched this woman and her troubled life. You read of this in John chapter four. Also, read and ponder the adulterous woman in John chapter eight. She was in a moral crisis. See how Jesus dealt with her. I rarely see the church of today responding to the marital crisis of our day the way Jesus did in these two cases. Great is our Savior! You who are divorced are loved and Jesus pleads for you to follow Him.
There are many reasons people divorce. However, I believe the above thoughts can be helpful to all. God be with you dear ones.
A great marriage only happens by hard work. Both husband and wife must invest themselves in the success of this most wondrous of relationships. Our culture tends to be a hothouse for the destruction of marriages. May God help us all to see the healing that only the King of Kings can offer. There are those today that wish to throw away the divorced. I wish to help rescue them and give them healing, through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! With Jesus, there are no throw away humans. He loves us all and He is throwing out the life line!
*Allen Ashlock, 2014
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psa. 147:3).
If you have not yet read my article, AVOIDING DIVORCE, please do so. For many years now divorce in America has been a major business. The price paid for destroyed marriages is awesome to consider. The impact on child...ren, on schools, on tax dollars spent on social services, the psychological scars, and the trauma often seen in the man and woman divorced is far reaching in its consequences.
We live in an age of divorce and broken homes. The divorce rate started its steady increases after WW2. Soon States passed laws that allowed what is called, "No Fault Divorce". I have seen ads by attorney's advertising for business and offering $49 divorce packages for no contest divorces.
This is not an article on the exegesis of the Biblical texts regarding marriage, divorce, and remarriage. This is rather a simple statement regarding the souls of men and women who have divorced and what they now must do. Of course, I believe what I am setting forth here is well grounded in the Biblical evidences.
Of course in this article I am sure I will say some things that some will not like or agree with. Some believe that all who have divorced are bound for hell fire and that there is nothing more that can be done. Others feel the divorced must wear a scarlet letter and be cursed for life with various penalties. I find such interpretations of the Bible to be absolutely sickening. When God forgives, He forgives! "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." (Heb. 8:12). I have read and heard all kinds of theology relative to marriage, divorce and remarriage from some of the smartest men in our brotherhood. Among our brightest men today we have a wide range of differing views and interpretations. It is a subject filled with deep emotion and clouded by deep prejudices on the part of all. If you approach this subject with your mind already made up, then you will see the Scriptures in such a way that supports your preconceived conclusions, whether the Scriptures teach such or not. Enough said.
What is to happen to the divorced? Your divorced and so what shall you now do? Though I have never been divorced, I have had family that divorced and I have seen the price paid, and the sorrows and challenges of countless souls over the years. In my office I have cried with dear ones over their broken marriage. Here are my perspectives.
First, pause and breathe and face this fact. You are loved by God and there is nothing you can do in this life that will separate you from that wondrous love (Rom. 8:36-39). Pause and reflect on the love of God for you as an individual.
Second, realize in the breaking of your marital vow and the dissolution of your marriage by divorce that sin is a reality. I do not say this to judge you or condemn you in any particular way but to just state the fact. God desires for people to marry and remain married until death separates them (Rom. 7:2). However, I would also point out that there are all kinds of sins and we have all sinned before God in many ways (Rom. 3:23). Of course all should agree that in some cases divorce is essential for the protection of life; whether physical, spiritual or psychological. Some must divorce and they have every right to do so. Sin is there as well. I repeat, sin is always to be found to some level in every divorce. It is only by the grace of the Almighty that any of us can be saved (Eph. 2:8-10). I do not want you to stay there in the depths of sin and despair and to think there is no hope whatsoever. Jesus came to give us all the abundant life (John 10:10). Thus in your sin and in the sins that we all face we must repent. That involves confessing our sins and failures and seeking forgiveness from God and those that we have hurt (James 5:16). God is forgiving.
Third, I would urge you to seek out good counseling and tell your story. You should strive to learn about your failed marriage and what went wrong. Try to face the reality of what led to the divorce and what you can now learn from such. We all should strive to learn from our mistakes and accept our responsibility and move forward to build a better life. Wisdom is with those who receive counseling (Prov. 13:10).
Fourth, I would urge time for reflection and renewal. You must seek to reset your life from the wounds you have received and or given. You need time for prayer and fasting. You might join a support group where you can talk out your pain and hear the stories of others and how they have coped (Gal. 6:2).
Fifth, in time you might seek to remarry. Do so only with the wisdom you have learned from your time in healing and reflection. Be faithful as a Christian and seek the companionship of a faithful Christian. Find a great church family that will give you love, grace and support. I would suggest additional counseling in the first year of your new marriage. Follow the suggestions I gave in my article on AVOIDING DIVORCE. Pray daily.
Sixth, use the wisdom you have gained to help others in their problem marriage and possible divorce. You can be a great servant in helping others learn from the trials you have faced in your life. By helping others you will not only be helping them but yourself.
Finally, I would suggest for all the church, that we should consider the woman at the well who had married and divorced five times, and was at the time Jesus spoke to her living with a man and not married to him. It is amazing how Jesus touched this woman and her troubled life. You read of this in John chapter four. Also, read and ponder the adulterous woman in John chapter eight. She was in a moral crisis. See how Jesus dealt with her. I rarely see the church of today responding to the marital crisis of our day the way Jesus did in these two cases. Great is our Savior! You who are divorced are loved and Jesus pleads for you to follow Him.
There are many reasons people divorce. However, I believe the above thoughts can be helpful to all. God be with you dear ones.
A great marriage only happens by hard work. Both husband and wife must invest themselves in the success of this most wondrous of relationships. Our culture tends to be a hothouse for the destruction of marriages. May God help us all to see the healing that only the King of Kings can offer. There are those today that wish to throw away the divorced. I wish to help rescue them and give them healing, through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! With Jesus, there are no throw away humans. He loves us all and He is throwing out the life line!
*Allen Ashlock, 2014
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." (Psa. 147:3).
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